Crystal F

Osama bin Laden’s four adult sons have issued a statement. ‘We, Omar, Osama bin Laden and my brothers herewith demand an inquiry as to why our father was not arrested and tried, but summarily executed without a court of law.’ And they go on to issue a warning: ‘A panel of eminent lawyers is being constituted, and necessary action may be taken, if no answers are furnished within 30 days of this statement,’ unquote.

They’re threatening to take us to court.

Well, bin Laden brothers, I’m glad you’re threatening to take us to court. Because that’s how disputes should be settled. I wish your father had done that — I wish he’d sued the Hell out of us for stationing troops in Arab lands.

But he didn’t. Instead, he aimed planes at buildings. And I know that we didn’t have to react as we did, but terror attacks are designed to get nations to do dumb things. So, yeah, we did do some dumb things — costly things. And we still embarrass ourselves daily, patting down people in wheelchairs; a baby in diapers is the latest outrageous security photo.

But when a terrorist punctures a nation’s security the way your dad did, the survival instinct takes over. Reason is pushed aside. And your dad knew that.

You guys say you opposed your father’s terrorism; that’s good, that’s constructive. So, if you really want to spread peace and justice — before you scold us, suppose you visit your father’s remaining al Qaeda disciples and explain, as the sons of Osama, that what they’re doing is profoundly un-Islamic.

See how they treat you.